Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but it can be especially difficult to establish with children who have experienced trauma or instability. As a foster carer, opening your home to a child in need, building trust should be your top priority. With patience and understanding, you can create an environment where your foster child feels safe, supported, and can eventually let their guard down.
Be Reliable and Consistent
Children in foster care often come from very chaotic backgrounds. So, create routines in your household and stick to them as best you can. Ensure you are on time picking them up from school and taking them to appointments or activities. Follow through on any promises you make, big or small. Reliability demonstrates that you can be counted on. Do not commit to things you cannot deliver. If plans change, explain why calmly and apologise for any inconvenience.
Listen without Judgement
Let your foster child share what they are comfortable with and don’t push if they prefer not to open up right away. Never judge them based on what you know of their past experiences. Maintain eye contact and give them your full attention. Validate their thoughts and feelings, so they know you care. Ask occasional open-ended questions to show interest, but do not interrogate. Keep the conversation low-pressure.
Respect Their Personal Space and Belongings
Children in care may not have many items of their own. Set boundaries early regarding your own space but allow them privacy in their bedroom with their possessions. Give them plenty of physical and emotional space until they seek affection or engagement. Provide storage like drawers, wardrobes and shelves for personal items. Check in before borrowing or moving anything that is theirs.
Incorporate Their Interests
Make your foster child feel included and valued by displaying their artwork or school achievements. Schedule activities you can enjoy together based on their preferences. Learn about their cultural heritage and celebrate any relevant traditions or festivals. This shows you see them as an individual. Ask which sports teams, artists or characters they like. Supplement holiday traditions with ones specific to their background.
Acknowledge Challenging Behaviours Gently
Children who have faced adversity may act out with anger, withdrawal or defiance. Respond gently, set reasonable expectations and reinforce positive behaviours, not punish negative ones. Progress will not always be linear, so persistence and compassion are key. Seek support services like counselling or peer groups tailored to foster youth. If you are fostering in Derby, you can ask your agency for advice whenever you face any particularly difficult obstacles.
Building trust with a foster child requires empathy, sensitivity and above all, patience. Focus on making the child feel safe, seen and reassured they will have support through difficult times. Maintain open communication with your foster agency for additional guidance tailored to the child. With time, consistency and unconditional care, the seeds of trust you plant can blossom into an incredibly rewarding bond. Let go of any expectations around timing and allow the child to open up at their own pace.
