Do you have a TOTGA? Yes, the one that got away? It’s a hard concept to swallow because then you start to doubt all the decisions you’ve made and the life that you’re currently leading. Would things have been different if you had chosen differently? If you were more open and less superficial or hadn’t been too afraid to take chances? Guilty as charged. I married so young that I probably didn’t make the wisest decisions. No regrets as they say especially since I have my 3 wonderful children. Yes, they’re wonderful despite the hardships, the headaches and the heartaches.
But… what if you could be better guided? What if you could know early on a path that could possibly take you to a happier, healthier, wiser you? Would you take it?
Let me tell you a little story and see for yourself if things would have been different.
Circa 1999, yes I’m that old! I was 18 years old, young, not wild, not free… I met the man who would one day become my ex-husband but before I had even laid eyes on him there was another guy. The not as handsome, but reliable and kind type of guy. The kind of guy that would travel across the city to “rescue a girlfriend” in the middle of the night only to learn soon enough the girl was a social climber. The type of guy that’s “the guy” in all those Netflix romcoms we watch and wish were real.
I admit, looks weighed heavily in my list of things a guy should have. The superficial side of me saw it as irritating, saw him as this guy that was just in the way. Even as I write this, I feel bad because truly, it’s only with age that you realize what’s important. Genuine kindness, responsibility, loyalty, sincerity. It’s funny I didn’t even get to spend that much time with him but I know he would have been all these things and more.
Just like any woman, I looked at his Facebook. True enough, he’s a responsible father of two and has provided a comfortable life for his family. He’s aged but the kindness in his eyes is still there.
Why couldn’t I have seen that then? The first thought that comes to mind is I was misguided. I didn’t have any kind of clear path having grown up in a “let’s see what happens tomorrow” kind of world. The “we’ll cross the bridge when we get there and when we do and it doesn’t work out well, then too bad” kind of world.
So what exactly is my point, you ask?
We’re all unique but we have similarities. There are things in us that tell what our strengths are and what our possible weaknesses are. Which people can be our pillars of strength and which can possibly be our downfall. If you could learn early on what and who these were, might these have a drastic effect on the decisions you make?
Only one other person knows about my TOTGA, not that they had an inkling that he would be my TOTGA… I’m guided by a friend who took it upon herself to do an insightful look into who I am because I’ve been so lost lately. I was amazed and shocked that she saw my TOTGA. She knew when it happened and also saw that this person would have been a positive influence in my life had I chosen him to be so. So… the one that got away is leading what appears to be a happy life and I’m happy for him.
I believe in a higher power and forces unbeknownst to us that form the lives we eventually lead. The decisions are always up to us but there are paths that if we take them can be for the better. It’s just made me realize that I can empower my children to be more positive and open to what really matters in life. It’s worth learning who they could possibly derive inspiration and strength from. Possibly the career path they would be most successful at.
Now that I’ve gotten this part of regrets out of the way, I’m focusing on guiding my kids. Have I kept your interest? Would you like to learn more? I’m just a message away.
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When my mom disapproves of my husband’s acts, she would always remind me of one suitor she likes more than my now husband. She would tell me, “kapag si ganito napangasawa mo, sigurado ganito ganito ganito.” sometimes, I would imagine my life with the other guy and though I don’t want to admit, I know I should have been more prudent. With five kids and a 40 year old self, I know I will not anymore find a new love, I just hope and pray I find peace and forgiveness.
I can relate on this one. My TOTGA never cease to disturb the peace of mind that I’ve been trying to keep. I sincerely hope that the thoughts would just fade away as the years passed. But to my dismay, it didn’t! So I just choose to forgive myself and take a constant reminder that this life is exactly the best for both of us. So yes, we chose to be happy instead and enjoy the present time and not dwell too much on negative thoughts.
I have, and I would like to think that ako rin yung TOTGA nya hahaha. Pero sabi nga nila, everything happens for a reason and pag hindi para sayo, well, hindi mo talaga makakamit. 😉
Hmm it got me thinking if I have a TOTGA…and I realized I have none
Reading your post made me think of those Hollywood movies wherein the good guys get friendzoned
That is kinda sad… In my case though, I could only think of TOTGA in terms of career/business opportunities that I didn’t pursue. Anyways, I wish you the best. God bless you! 🙂
I can’t really say I have a TOTGA, because I believe that I’m married to the right one. I do, however, keep the memory of one young love, sweet love. First time to fall in love, first and only time to experience all that a young love must go through. 🙂 I’m not sure if I was his first love, though, haha! We haven’t spoken in years and we didn’t exactly part in good terms.
I don’t have a TOTGA. Pero yung friend ko meron, and naiinis ako sa nangyari. If only they followed their hearts, I think it would be a happy ending for both of them.
I don’t have a TOTGA, I beleive I was the TOTGA.. Char! Yeah, I think we are all misguided and rebellious when we were young that’s why we sometimes end up with the not so right person.